Dear Me:

I hate the misspelling on this poster but the thought behind it is pretty cool...
What a waste of time to binge and have crap that you know you shouldn't!! A waste of everything - not just time but energy, worry, time that your body could spend burning the fat you already HAVE, not burning the massive amount of food you just ate!!

Q - M - N - M - D.

my resolve...

my credo, my motto, my favorite bit of Latin...

~ quod me nutrit, me destruit ~

that which nourishes me also destroys me...

it truly does.

i have to keep my resolve. i can't lapse and blow it.

Resolve

It's about a decision.

It's not even about a choice, though; the choice has been made, you just have to follow through.

You KNOW that you can't eat more than a few calories a day or else...

or else you are:

1. FAT
2. Your head is in a cloud
3. It makes you feel like crap
4. You REGRET it
5. You hate yourself

Aren't those enough reasons?? Really?

Great Thinspo

Yeah, you can't see much of her in this massive dress but one thing: you could NEVER pull this dress off if you had an ounce of fat on you... you'd just look like a big ball!!

I love how the lines of this dress are not disturbed by any bulges or boobs or anything - just smooth and perfect.
How fantastic is SHE??!! Awesome...

Vintage Thinspo - always a favorite

So this first one is kinda cool - the bride is fantastic looking; the other is too hippy, tho.

God, I love this one... the hip bones and everything... just great.

It's Destroying Me...

I've eaten crap and it's killing me.

WHY would I even DO that?? It's ridiculous.

I WILL DO ALL IN MY POWER TO NEVER TO THAT AGAIN.

I will remember the Ten Skinny Commandments:

1. If you're not thin, try harder.
2. Eating is only for Survival
3. You Shall NOT eat without feeling GUILTY
4. Hunger Hurts, but Starving WORKS
5. Never accept offered food unless forced
6. You must Set Goals and ACHIEVE THEM
7. You MUST NOT succumb to cravings
8. You must have control over everything going into your stomach
9. You shall NOT procrastinate; there is not always a tomorrow.
10. You who commits these sins shall be punished - AND FAT!

Get OVER it and GET ON with it!!

Something To Remember

I saw on a blog that I frequently look at for inspiration:

"Don't let today's moment forsake tomorrow's dream"

I LOVE that. It's exactly right.

Went to the movies today with one of my sons - I kept total control. So happy about that. He had popcorn, I had Diet Coke and a couple of bites of a plain hot dog, no bun. It was awesome although I did think I could have gotten by with even a little less - next time I will. It was a small amount so at least that's good.

When I got home my husband had made dinner and put the food on my plate: a massive steak and a mountain of mashed potatoes... I almost gagged. I cut a few ounces of the steak and gave the potatoes to my son... whew. added some arugala with balsamic tossed on it and a few shavings of parmesan cheese and I was OK.

I asked my sweet husband not to serve my plate next time, if he wouldn't mind... I cannot face all that food. :oP He understood, which is nice.

I thought, with all of that, I might be over my limits for the day but I'm still under by 242. :o)

Have you tried Extra "Dessert Delights" gum? I keep a pack of the Ky Lime Pie flavored at my desk... so fantastic.

It is a BATTLE. I cannot give in, no matter what. That is what that quote is all about - don't let a stinking plate full of mashed potatoes make you lose sight of the goal. Don't let anything unnecessary get in your way.

Vintage Thinspo ~ my favorite kind

Louise Brooks.... she rocked. She made her own way and broke down walls that kept women portrayed a certain way in movies - plus she was beautiful.
Edith Head - if you don't know about her, you SHOULD. :o) These are (obviously!) some of her design sketches - this first one if my fav. She saw women as glamorous and beautiful and yet also smart and capable. She was so incredibly unique herself, too.

This one's a little too curvy but still looks super cool...
Enjoy!!

SUCCESS TODAY - AGAIN!

SO excited to be able to say that today was a success! I teetered on the brink two times... :oP

Once when I was just watching a movie while cleaning up the house I allowed myself to start thinking about how good some lunch would be and then I got hungry... CRAP. Then I made this "Faux Fried Chicken":

Chicken tenders, marinated in low-fat buttermilk for at least an hour in the fridge.

While that's marinating, put 1/3 cup of "twig-type" fiber cereal into a food processor until it becomes crumbs then mix with 1/3 cup panko-style bread crumbs & a tblsp dry onion soup mix.

After the chicken has marinated, take it out of the buttermilk allowing the excess to come off - coat each piece in the dry mixture then bake on a lightly sprayed cookie sheet at 375 for 20 minutes.

So basically you're adding no fat to them; they're already almost no fat to begin with so that's good.

I still ate more of it than I should have and hated the way I felt afterward... ug. I found myself wanting to throw up - my body even tried to involuntary but unfortunately I don't have that ability even though I've tried. (to make myself)

The next test was the family all having Pizza Hut - I got through that even while staying in the same room... :oP the smell was disgusting. Then everyone wanted to keep having drinks of my diet soda and I'm like "seriously?? With all that grease all over your lips??!" Gross.

I ended up with 431 calories today so that was great. I feel like a million bucks. :o)

I Hate Stuff Like This...

creamy peanut butter protein bar

So, I'm in a HUGE hurry the other day but knew I needed to grab something from the store to curb my cravings... I grab the bar above - it says "Think Thin" so you figure you can't go wrong, right? :oP

I get this and finally sit down to have what will be probably half and look at the label - - 8 grams of fat?? 22g carbs?? You've got to be friggin' kidding me!!! Seriously?? THINK THIN?? 230 calories at one sitting??? So I had a 1/3. Sheesh. NO WAY - 230 calories in one thing - ridiculous. But I DO wholeheartedly admit that it was my own stupid fault for buying the STUPID BAR in the first place and not looking at the label.

On a side note - on the search for a good pickle. Love that they are 0 fat, usually 0 carbs are well... :o) That makes me HAPPY. I just hate it when they're smooshy... I need to find a good one!! Any suggestions???

Perfection.

Agyness ~ she's just gorgeous :o)

Amazingly perfect...

Fight Against The Food Tip #1!

Just found a great thinspo site: Skinny Gossip they had a great tip: Hot chocolate! The sugar free packets when mixed with water are only 50 cals. And since its hot it fills you up while giving a tiny boost to your metabolism. Also a great help when you want to eat...

Put a cinnamon stick in there for some great flavor without ANY extra calories!! :o)

EDIT: I just found some Swiss Miss Diet Delights Hot Chocolate - 25 calories!! Yum! (At Pavilions Market)

Jantzen Had The Right Idea...

Even back in the early 50's, Jantzen was on it - THIN was the look you wanted, especially if you're going to wear a suit like that... this one has thighs that are too big but the rest of her body is great.

Great waist and upper body but too much padding down below... close though - SO close!

"this is the life" alright... perfection.

That which nourishes me also destroys me...

I've tried.

I've tried to just deal with it better - I've tried to just cut back.

It's NO use. This FOOD, this POISON, is my enemy and there is no compromising or negotiating.

It doesn't work for me.

I have to look at it as my sworn enemy because that is what it is to ME.

If food is not a problem for you, great - how awesome that is for you. But for me, it is no longer something I can deal with. I have to give it up.

I know I'll have to have some of it - there is my biggest problem and why I've started this blog... to help me figure out how to keep control.

Do you struggle with this too?? Are you at the same place I am?? If you are NOT struggling to control this poison, do NOT leave a comment here - none of us need those negative comments floating in our heads; we have enough of that as it is. "I'll never be as thin as (blank)" I'll never look good" I'll never - - - whatever... so we don't need you to tell us what you think if you're not in the same place. Go find some other blog to read.

For those who are GAINING control, and KEEPING control, we need to be a frigging tank of strength against this craziness.

It is my desire to put things here that I can look back on to help me when I feel weak. I hope they do the same for you, my friend.

Y